Mirror


„Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the ugliest soul of all?”

Me. I’d definitely make the perfect candidate.

I’m evil. I really am. No, don’t give me that look. I really am. I am the one who can make the driest stone cry, who can turn the sky into a sea of blood and the earth into a precipice of despair. I’m the one who can slash with a sword of cruelty and indifference any heart that loves me. I did it so many times that I even lost count.

So please stop asking. Don’t make me look at my own reflection in the mirror. Don’t make me analyse every crooked feature of my heart, don’t make me search for a reason behind every evil thought that ever crossed my mind, behind every wrong deed I ever made, behind every mean word I ever spoke. I know I won’t find one. There is no excuse that would justify the iced sea of darkness and ugliness in which my soul sank so long ago that it feels like centuries.

I know what I am. People call it a „monster” because there is no other word to describe such a horrible being. I hate myself and I’ll keep punishing myself forever and ever for every tear that was cried because of me. But I have to go on, I have to become better. So I don’t want to look back. I want to look up and try to reach for the stars. It might be selfish, but selfish is the only way I know how to be. However, I think that, if I save myself, I’ll also save the tears that people have not cried yet. If I become good, I won’t make them cry anymore. I want to learn how to fly. But I can’t look back. If I do, I’ll see just how horrible I am and I’ll let myself fall as punishment for everything that I did.

So don’t make me confront myself, don’t make me see just how ugly and pathetic I am. Please don’t put a mirror in front of me. This illusion of becoming better is the only thing that keeps me going on. Please don’t destroy it. If you do, I’ll fall and I’ll break…

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