Of splendour and smallness


colaj

I am not weird. Just because I do things differently, doesn’t mean I am weak. Or sad. Or lonely. I’m just not like you are. My soul vibrates differently to the world outside. It still sees it. It still feels it. My God, you have no idea how much my soul can feel. Or how colourful my emotions are. Or how they blend into each other creating subtle, fragile, amazing new nuances that the eyes can’t even begin to perceive.

I love life. I love living it. I love it even more when my path intersects with those of people who possess a certain thirst of living – the mad ones, in the words of a dear friend of mine, inspired by Lewis Carroll’s Wonderland. I just don’t live in the same way that you do. For me, this word has so many different, complex, deep meanings.

If I’m in a place where it’s really dark at night, give me a blanket and nice summer weather.  I’ll lie there for hours – because I rarely get the opportunity to appreciate the night sky in all its splendour. It reminds me of my childhood, of the summers spent at my grandmother’s place. I’ll carry those memories within me forever and, whenever I’ll lie on my back and open my eyes to a star-filled sky, I’ll always go back to being the little kid fascinated both by grandness and tininess.

If it’s a rainy day, give me a windowsill and a good book. A real book, with pages I can touch, smell, flip. I’ll be there all day long, registering the vibration of each word through the tips of my fingers, engraving the story into my mind, and slowly opening windows into my heart to let the emotions pour both inside and outside, intertwining, overflowing.

If I’m in a beautiful spot in the mountains, give me a camera and just leave me there for a day. I’ll fall in love with every gust of wind, with every sensation, with the green, with the blue, with the trees, with the insects, with the dirt. Look at the photos I take and see the world through my eyes. I bet you had no idea you were passing by so many tiny, lovely things. Take a more careful look next time. I’m sure you’ll fall in love as well, irremediably.

Talk to me. Because I can see so deep inside myself, I know my dark and ugly places much too well. I might not deem myself worthy of invading your existence with mine. But if you want me to and you let me know that you do, be prepared. Make me feel safe around you – I will surely open up. I might turn out to be quite a handful, but don’t be discouraged. Let me see the beauty in you. You definitely have it, there’s no doubt about that. And, maybe, remind me that I’m not entirely made out of dark and ugly places.

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